And just like that… summer is over and another football season begins.
At our preseason “Meet the Coaches,” for both parents and players, one of the most important things we discuss has very little to do with football. It is about having the courage to give—and receive—honest feedback.
Too often, people soften feedback because they care more about how the conversation feels than whether the problem gets resolved or the issue gets addressed. Honest feedback can be uncomfortable. But growth often is.
As coaches, our responsibility is not to tell players what they want to hear. Our responsibility is to help them become better football players, better students, better teammates, and ultimately better young men. Those conversations are not always easy, but avoiding them doesn’t help the player.
When a coach gives direct feedback, the message should never be, “I am trying to criticize you.” The message should be, “I believe you are capable of more, and I am willing to tell you what you need to do to get there.”
A coach who doesn’t care can simply allow a player to continue making the same mistakes. That’s easier. There is no difficult conversation. There is no uncomfortable moment. But that isn’t coaching.
There is another equally important part of the equation: the ability to receive feedback.
Many people say they want honest feedback. What they really mean is that they want feedback delivered in a way that never makes them uncomfortable. They want affirmation, not information. Those are two very different things.
Constructive criticism may not always feel good. A player may disagree with it or be disappointed by it. But maturity requires moving beyond that initial reaction and asking a more important question: What can I do with this information to get better?
Parents play an important role in helping young athletes learn that lesson. Being corrected is not the same as being attacked. Coaches will not always tell players—or their parents—what they want to hear. We owe it to our players to be honest with them.
Parents need to trust that when a coach gives their son difficult feedback, it comes from a desire to help him succeed. Coaches need to trust that parents will help their sons respond constructively rather than protect them from every uncomfortable experience. And players need to trust that they can hear the truth, learn from it, and come back tomorrow determined to improve.
That kind of trust creates an environment where people can grow.
Exceptional results happen when people care enough to give honest feedback—and when others are courageous enough to hear it, own it, and do something about it.
NFL Hall of Fame Coach Tom Landry used to say, “Coaches make their players do things they don’t necessarily want to do in practice, so they can achieve things they never thought they were capable of in games.” Those kinds of results are born of candid and honest feedback with a goal of making each individual and the entire team their very best!
Regardless of your role on our team (player, staff, faculty, etc…) if I seem to hold you to a higher standard, it’s because I believe in your potential.
Coach Rich Alercio is available to discuss coaching philosophy, X’s & O’s, or teach his O-Line “techniques in the trenches.” Contact Coach at richalercio@gmail.com and share http://www.olineskills.com with your colleagues and friends. Thanks for supporting this blog and joining our conversations, and as always, thanks for your time!
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